Hey guys, check out what my NintenDAD brought me: an OLED Nintendo Switch (owning Nintendo has its perks). He’s been staying at a hotel in the city for the last few weeks (work stuff. He’s always so busy at Nintendo), but today he came home to bring me this!
Mom said I have meet Dad in the front yard, but he’s probably just in a hurry and needs to get back to work. Mom didn’t talk to him (she’s hungry) but stood on the porch with her arms crossed (she gets cranky when she’s hungry) and stared. Dad said he’s been really busy making Nintendo games, so he probably won’t be able to see me for a long time.
I’m not sure why she was there, but I saw Dad’s friend waiting in the car. I remember that time she came over to play video games with my dad while Mom was at work. She must have been winning, because she kept yelling “Yes!” over and over again ( I wanted to play, too, but Dad told me not to come out of my room). Mom came home and got really mad because of the noise. She just doesn’t understand video games.
When dad gave me this OLED Switch, he told me that he would see me again soon, which definitely was not a lie.
Anyway, this is going to be my attempt at a comprehensive review of this OLED Nintendo Switch. We’ll talk about the new features, compare the OLED to the V2 and discuss whether or not I think it’s worth purchasing.
Obviously I Know What 7 Inches Looks Like…
Let’s start with the big daddy: the new screen. At 7 inches, it’s 0.8 inches larger than the 6.2-inch screen of the original and V2 models. Even though the screen is bigger, the device retrains the same dimensions as the previous models, with Nintendo opting to remove the bezels rather than increase the size of the Switch itself.
I have to say, this seemingly trivial size increase makes a world of difference, at least for me. I find that I can comfortably hold the device significantly farther from my face while I hide under the covers, trying my hardest not to listen to my dad and his new friend playing video games without me. This is good, as the increased size does not come without its disadvantages, and because the resolution of the screen is still the same (up to 720p), yet its size is larger, I have noticed a bit more pixelation in the rendering, simply because the pixels are physically larger; however, this is not that big of a deal to me, and I believe the upsides of the new screen outweigh its less-than-ideal aspects.
The screen is larger, yes, yet it’s also brighter, displays more vibrant colors, and works consistently at a wider range of viewing angles. There is now a setting that allows you to choose between the new “Vivid” mode and the old “Standard” mode. I’ll be honest, I was initially slightly put off by the “Vivid” selection (which is enabled by default), simply because I wasn’t used to it. After a few days of playing, however, I have grown used to it and doubt that I will be enabling the “Standard” option any time soon. I suggest turning auto-brightness off to experience the full effect of the new screen, as the increased brightness really makes the greater contrast and coloring pop; however, this will significantly reduce your battery life.
The viewing angle was something I didn’t even think about, and I kind of discovered it by accident one night while lying awake in bed, listening to mom cry in the living room (I ate all the Pop Tarts). As I played the very grown-up game Pokémon Snap to stave off the dread that manifests from the weight of all the tomorrows yet to come, my Switch slipped from its resting spot atop the pillow on my chest. Lying on my back, I noticed that I didn’t need to lift the device back up to continue playing; I could see the screen perfectly fine from that low viewing angle. This was a life changing discovery, as picking up dropped things is for peasants (my dad says so), and these hands shall nary touch another Switch for as long as my dad says they don’t have to.
The Speakers Drown Out the Sound of Mom’s Tears
I know I led this post with the screen, and I only did that because it is the system’s most obvious upgrade. The thing, though, the thing that stands out to me more than any other hardware component of the Switch OLED is the speakers. Those. Things. Are. So. Nice. They are so crisp and so clear and provide such amazing aural feedback–my wee-wee, guys–my tiny little wee-wee simply can’t contain itself. From the music to the in-game sounds to the simple clicks and clacks of menu selection, these bad-boys sound so fucking good.
In an October 2021 Nintendo “Ask the Developer” interview, Toru Yamashita, Deputy General Manager of Nintendo’s Technology Development Department, details some of the design changes of the OLED’s speakers. The biggest change comes in the implementation of closed-back speakers, as opposed to the open style of the first three Switch iterations. I’m no expert on audio stuff, so I’ll take Yamashita’s word for it when he says it makes more bigger-er sound-y sounds or whatever.
Nice Dock, Bro
Next up is the new dock, which I am pleasantly surprised to find is actually a lot better than the original. There are four significant differences from the previous iteration: a LAN port, two USB ports on the side instead of just one in the back, a back-side cutaway for cable management, and the obvious white color.
Although I don’t do much online gaming on the Switch, the LAN port will let me download games faster so I can open them, look at them for five minutes and then never touch them again…faster.
The USB ports on the side are nice for controller charging accessibility, and it is now possible to have more than one wired controller attached to the system (I play local multiplayer all the time with my friends…Bob and…Fred. Yeah, Bob and Fred), but what kind of peasant still uses wired controllers?
The crescent-shaped cutaway is useful for managing the 2-3 cables you might stick back there, but it isn’t exactly a necessity.
Finally, there’s the white color. It’s white.
Kick Back, Relax, and…I Don’t Fucking Care–Do What You Want
Another major improvement, at least for the two people who play in table-top mode, comes in the form of a massively improved kickstand. You know that shitty little strip of plastic that you’re too afraid to open because you’re aware that one of these days you’ll hulk-snap it right off the system, leaving your precious SD card’s nether regions forever blowing in the breeze? Yeah, that thing has been replaced by the Volodymyr Zelenskyy of kickstands, one that is sturdy as fuck.
Never again will you suffer the indignity of challenging the cute girl at the coffee shop to a rollicking match of Mario Kart 8 just to have your piddly, flaccid kickstand give out in the middle of a sensually heated drift around the final bend of Rainbow Road, that singular moment forever dooming your pitiful existence to one of unimpassioned virginity.
Never again will she laugh when you whip out that thin, ineffectual excuse for a stabilization device. Never again will you sit idly by as Chad steals your girl with promises of Pro Controllers and 40 inch TVs, for you are now in possession of the Johnny Sins of table-top gaming capability: the Nintendo Switch OLED.
Storage
And now, ladies and gentlemen (and Mom. Hi Mom), we have come to the final improvement of the OLED Switch over the V2: 64 GB of internal storage. This feature comes last for literally no reason at all, and I guess it’s fine, and I can hold off on buying a bigger SD card, at least for now (like a week).
Worth Buying? Eh.
So, is it worth buying? Maybe. If you’re picking up a switch for the first time and have an extra $50 to spare, then yeah, go for the OLED; however, if you already have a functional V1 or V2 and rarely play it in handheld mode, then maybe skip the unnecessary upgrade.
I guess I should note that the OLED is the same size as the V1 and V2, so it will work with your existing case (I for sure knew that; my dad gave me a new one because I wanted it), as well as all other Switch peripherals . I won’t even get into the screen burn-in thing, because it’s basically a non-issue.
As always, though, if you’re fortunate enough to have the disposable income (or a NintenDAD), then just buy the thing, because life is short and money is fucking meaningless, so do what you gotta do to distract yourself from the ever-encroaching, dread-inducing realities of the world and your place in it. Instead, revel in the fruits of a doomed society, fruits that shield you from the truth of humanity’s pain and suffering; spend your days mashing Cheeto-crusted boogers into the face-buttons of your JoyCons, sending them to Nintendo for repairs when the sticks inevitably drift (my Dad just brings me new ones); and write blog manifestos about how the piece of gaming hardware you chose to buy isn’t worth the money you didn’t need to spend on it.
Be the change you want to see in the world.
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